Who, What, and I Don't Know

President Bush uses nicknames for his White House staff. Karl Rove is nicknamed I Don't Recall, while White House Chief of Staff Joshua Bolten goes by the nickname What. In turn, the president is known to his staff as Confused.

Once you understand this, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales' testimony before the Senate last week, quoted below, becomes clear.

Sen. Leahy: Who told you to fire eight attorneys general?

Gonzales: I Don't Recall.

Leahy: You don't recall the name of the preson who told you to fire the U.S. attorneys?

Gonzales: I do recall the name.

Leahy: Then tell us who told you to fire the attorneys general?

Gonzales: I Don't Recall.

Leahy: You don't recall?

Gonzales: Not You Don't Recall. I don't recall.

Leahy: That's what I asked, "You don't recall?"

Gonzales: And I answered, "Not You Don't Recall. It was I Don't Recall."

Leahy: Let's try again. Did you speak to anyone on the White House staff?

Gonzales: Yes.

Leahy: What is the name of person you spoke to?

Gonzales: What is the name of the person who wasn't involved at all.

Leahy: Who wasn't involved at all?

Gonzales: What.

Leahy: What?

Gonzales: Right.

Leahy: Then who was involved?

Gonzales: I Don't Recall.

Leahy: You say you can recall; then you say you don't recall. Are you confused?

Gonzales: Do I look like I Am Confused?

Leahy: Yes.

Gonzales: Senator, no one has ever thought I look like I Am Confused.

Leahy: If you're not confused, then I would like to talk to the person who is confused.

Gonzales: He can't talk now. He is very busy.

Leahy: Who is busy?

Gonzales: The person Who Is Confused.

Sen. Hatch: Let me see if I can help here. You stated under oath you spoke to someone in the White House about this matter. Is this person a government employee?

Gonzales: Yes.

Hatch: Does he have a business card?

Gonzales: Yes

Hatch: Whose name is on the card?

Gonzales: I Don't Recall.

Hatch: You can't recall the name of person on the card?

Gonzales: I can recall the name.

Hatch: Then who is it?

Gonzales: I Don't Recall.

Hatch: Can you or can you not recall the name?

Gonzales: Let me explain. The name on the card is: I Don't Recall.

Hatch: You don't recall what?

Gonzales: I can recall What.

Hatch: You can recall what?

Gonzales: Absolutely.

Hatch: Then can you recall who told you to fire the attorneys general?

Gonzales: Yes.

Hatch: And what was his name?

Gonzales: I already told you, he wasn't involved at all.

Hatch: Who?

Gonzales: What.

Sen. Specter: Let me break in here, because I'm confused.

Gonzales: No you're not.

Specter: No I'm not what?

Gonzales: I know that.

Specter: You know what?

Gonzales: Of course. And so do you.

Specter: Know what?

Gonzales: Right.

Specter: Now everyone here is confused.

Gonzales: Senator, with due respect, no one here is Confused. The President is the only person who is Confused.