When brain surgery isn't brain surgery
Other people's smarts will only get you so far. Our mind-numb humorist explores the limits of anti-elitism.
After my wife recovered from the shock of me being diagnosed with malignant arteriovenous malformations, she found the silver lining:
Judith: At least the world's best neurosurgeon lives on this block.
Steve: I don't plan to use her.
Judith: Why not?
Steve: She trained at Harvard Medical School. She may be elitist.
Judith: So what?
Steve: Also, she may be too intellectual.
Judith: That's a problem?
Steve: Absolutely. She's not "down home." People don't connect with her.
Judith: You don't want to use Priscilla Johnston, the world's best neurosurgeon?
Steve: No. Priscilla doesn't get it.
Judith: What do you mean "get it?"
Steve: She doesn't understand my problems. She doesn't know what it is like to go through life with a third-rate intelligence.
Judith: So who will operate on your brain?
Steve: Bobby.
Judith: Bobby who?
Steve: Bobby Burpa.
Judith: The boat mechanic?
Steve: Right.
Judith: But he is not a doctor.
Steve: Yes but he knows a lot about NASCAR. I'll bet Priscilla couldn't name three NASCAR drivers.
Judith: Any other qualifications?
Steve: He has experience trying to fix things.
Judith: He can't even fix a boat. In fact, he can't even remember to bring the right tools.
Steve: That's what I like about Bobby. He's a regular guy. Makes mistakes just like the rest of us.
Judith: You know, Bobby might just improve your brain.
Steve: Bobby is the salt of the earth. Small town. Pro-life. Flies the flag on holidays. Not too bright, but a great jet-skier.
Judith: Bobby certainly understands the problems of living today with a room-temperature IQ.
Steve: Bobby gets it. He has a house full of guns.
Judith: You don't use guns for neurosurgery.
Steve: Best of all, Bobby doesn't think he is better than the rest of us.
Judith: With reason.
Steve: I bet Priscilla thinks she's better than me just because she's the world's greatest neurosurgeon. Those doctors think they're so smart. Using Bobby will show them a thing or two.
Judith: Well, it's your funeral.
Steve: That reminds me. If something should happen to me, hire Billy to direct the funeral.
Judith: Billy who?
Steve: The gardener who works next door.
Judith: He's not a funeral director.
Steve: No. But he's a great soccer dad and he can field-dress a moose.
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Comments:
Posted Mon, Sep 22, 9:10 a.m. Inappropriate
I certainly agree with your point about the need for elitists, however there is a middle ground here.
Consider the 'average' (or above average) UW grad. They may well think they are as important as a Harvard Brain surgeon, but they are not. In all likelyhood they are worth less than a Nascar loving mechanic.
The harsh fact is that the world doesn't need 10,000 UW graduates a year. What we do need to insure is that the very best are able to complete their studies, and practice free from malignant competition designed to support the authority of the worthless bureaucrat.
And we need also to make sure that everyone has access to the same standard of living as Palin's husband - including access to additional higher education at any time, should the both earn it and desire it.
-Douglas Tooley
Posted Mon, Sep 22, 12:20 p.m. Inappropriate
Government isn't Brain Surgery: I don't want my public servants thinking they're smarter than me. When that happens, you end up with things like the New Deal and Watergate. I'm smarter than either candidate for president. My proof? I don't want the job.
Posted Mon, Sep 22, 1:49 p.m. Inappropriate
Take care of yourself. If I can do anything to help please let me know.
Mark Matassa
Posted Mon, Sep 22, 10:03 p.m. Inappropriate
Hilarious: I'm going to have to side with Judith on this one, Steve.
Posted Tue, Sep 23, 1:33 p.m. Inappropriate
RE: no joke: Good luck with your surgery, Steve. With Harborview, UWMC, and Swedish in town, you could hardly be in a better place! For all of Seattle's faults, at least we do still have top-notch medical care.
Posted Wed, Sep 24, 1:58 p.m. Inappropriate
Highest Quality Health Care??: I suggest you look at the statistics on our health care system. Most expensive, lower life expectancy, higher infant mortality rate from many developed countries (and undeveloped for that matter). See http://www.npr.org (complete URL was too long for Crosscut's system) and many other sites. That is good medical care???
Posted Wed, Sep 24, 4:30 p.m. Inappropriate
Oh, by the way, I just came across a piece by Sam Harris in Newsweek on this very topic:
"Governor Palin, are you ready at this moment to perform surgery on this child's brain?"
"Of course, Charlie. I have several boys of my own, and I'm an avid hunter."
"But governor, this is neurosurgery, and you have no training as a surgeon of any kind."
"That's just the point, Charlie. The American people want change in how we make medical decisions in this country. And when faced with a challenge, you cannot blink."
Posted Fri, Sep 26, 10:51 a.m. Inappropriate
RE: Government isn't Brain Surgery: Funny how the lack of liability makes people stupid, no matter how you say it!
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