Black, white, and Orange

American is colorblind, especially with regard to birthplace.


On Dec. 12, 2007, after attending a fundraiser where Barack Obama spoke, I wrote in Crosscut:

I support Barack because he:

  • has an undergraduate degree from Columbia.

  • has a graduate degree from Harvard.

  • is left handed.

Had he been born in Orange, N.J., as was I, he would exhibit the four marks of a great person.

Left-handers make better presidents than righties. Consider the past 40 years:

Left-handed Right-handed
Gerald Ford Dick Nixon
Ronald Reagan Jimmy Carter
George H.W. Bush George W. Bush
Bill Clinton  

Also, presidents who have attended both Columbia and Harvard are far superior to others:

Attended Columbia and Harvard Attended neither
Theodore Roosevelt Millard Fillmore
Franklin Delano Roosevelt Franklin Pierce
  Chester Arthur
  William Henry Harrison
  James Garfield

Being left-handed and educated at Columbia and Harvard gave Obama an advantage, but he still had to overcome the huge handicap of not being born in Orange, N.J.

Birth in Orange, N.J., "the birthplace of presidents," is highly correlated with presidential greatness, as shown below:  

Born in Orange, N.J. Born Elsewhere
George Washington Herbert Hoover
Thomas Jefferson Andrew Johnson
Abraham Lincoln James Buchanan
Dwight Eisenhower Warren Harding
John Kennedy George W. Bush

Was America, in 2008, ready to accept a non-Orange candidate, or would  Orangism rear its ugly head? (In fact, Obama is half Orange, since his mother was born in Orange, N.J. However, American voters perceive the half-Orange as Non-Orange.)

Obama defused the issue by facing it head-on. In a brilliant speech, he stated:

It is true that I wasn't born in Orange, N.J., "the birthplace of presidents." I am not ashamed of this. I am not afraid of Orangists. In my administration, no one will face discrimination because of their birthplace. We can end Orangism and Birthplaceism in America. Yes we can.

Obama amazed the pundits by carrying West Orange, N.J., East Orange, N.J., South Orange, N.J., and almost winning Orange, N.J., proper.

Obama also ran strongly in traditional Orangist strongholds, carrying the New Jersey towns of Piscataway, Hackensack, Parsippany, Mahwah, Secaucus, Weehawken, Metuchen, Matawan, and Ho-Ho-Kus.

To his credit, John McCain did not introduce Orangism into the campaign, perhaps because he, also, was not born in Orange, N.J.


About the Author

Steve Clifford writes humor for Crosscut. He is the author of the recently published political satire, Fools and Knaves. In his unhumorous life, he was CEO of King Broadcasting and once played a role in saving New York City from bankruptcy.

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Comments:

Posted Wed, Nov 12, 9:59 a.m. Inappropriate

The Orange, NJ hospital closed its maternity ward four years ago. It's now used to store prosthetic devices for left-handers who injure themselves. Unfortunately, this means that Sarah Palin's daughter cannot, as she was planning to, deliver her illegitimate baby in Orange, NJ.

dpc456

Posted Wed, Nov 12, 1:46 p.m. Inappropriate

Apparently Orange is the new Green: http://www.ci.orange.nj.us/Special_Orange_Master_Plan_Summary.pdf

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