Humor: Let those grudges fly!

National Grudge Week, the week when all Americans nurse grudges, begins today. Seattle will celebrate National Grudge Week with a series of exciting activities and fun family events:

Monday

9 am. Workshop: Grousing in the Workplace — Getting and staying irritated over arrogant bosses, sycophantic suck ups, meetings that are a complete waste of time, stupid rules, office gossipers, and idiots everywhere.

Noon. Workshop: Blogs Smearing WOGs — Using the Internet for Ethnic Slurs

2 pm Kids Program: “That’s Not Fair!” — Children two to five are instructed in basic complaints. (Volunteer Park)

7 pm Torchlight Parade of the Pissed — Microsoft users fed up with operating system crashes vent their anger. (Microsoft Campus, Redmond).

Tuesday

8 am. US Bank Anger Triathlon: The ultimate grudge test — contestants must blow a fuse while swimming, the throw a conniption fit on a bicycle, and finally get bent out of shape while running.

Noon Ethnic Slurs Contest (Finals) — Watch the nations’ best bigots compete at “Spics and Mics.” (Meany Theatre)

2 pm Kids Program: What to dislike about your playmates — ages six to ten. (McGilvra School Playground)

7 pm Debate: Who is Worse — Catholics or Jews? (Kane Hall, University of Washington)

Wednesday

9 am. Workshop: Building Anger Over Bailouts — They get the money; you get the finger; doesn’t this make you furious? (Bagley Wright Theatre)

10 am Reading: Rachael Rage reads from her new book Going Ballistic Over Those Jerks Who Are Your In-Laws. (Town Hall)

Noon Political Snarling Demonstration — Watch Mayor Greg Nichols and Deputy Mayor Tim Ceis display their snarling techniques. (Bertha Landes Room, City Hall)

2 pm Kids Program: “Why me?” — Advanced griping for eleven to fourteen year olds.

7 pm Concert: The Chorus of the Miffed sing songs of spite and venom (Benaroya Hall)

Thursday

8 am. Celebrate Bad Neighbor Day — Don’t take it anymore. Today is the day to tell off your neighbor. Yard Signs saying “Loser Lives Next Door” will be distributed free. (Safeco Field)

10 am Reading: Roger Rant reads from his latest book Take This Job and Shove It: Fantasies about Telling off the Boss. (Microsoft Auditorium, Seattle Public Library)

Noon Workshop: Finding New Bones To Pick — Running Low on Peeves? Then try: people who toot their own horns; call centers; remodeling contractors; and stock brokers with "sure things."

2 pm. Kids Program: Roving Storytellers Bitch A Lot (Westlake Mall)

4 pm. Health Forum: Living with Irish Alzheimer’s — physicians and scientists discuss coping with the crippling disease where patients forget everything except their grudges. (Swedish Hospital)

7 pm. Rock Concert. Bands include The Mean-Spirited, The Livid, and The Irate (Experience Music Project)

Friday

9 am. Instruction: Expressing Grudges in ESL (ACT Theatre)

Noon. Awards Banquet: Sports Grudge of the Year. Will it be UW football, the Sonics departure, or A-Rod on steroids? (Washington Athletic Club)

2 pm. Kids Program: Preparing for National Vengeance Week (the second week in January). (Mount Baker Beach Park)

4 pm. Roundtable: Gripes About Ex’s—Share your Beefs about your Ex-Spouse. (Sunset Club)

7 pm. Gala Dinner and Crowning of Miss Peeved (The Ruins)