Yo, Nancy! Yo, Jason! What's the story, morning glory? What's tale, nightingale? Did you hear about Hugo and Kim?

But first, tell me quick about Brady and Eric! Like, is it true how they got into a fight down in Portland, and they were both drunk, and Brady's leg got broke and they both spent the night in jail? It's true? You've got mugshots to prove it?

Yes, the fight was between Brady Lowe, the promoter from Atlanta who runs these pig-cooking contests all over the country, and Eric — that's Eric Bechard, who used to cook up here in Seattle, at that place on Queen Anne. Now he's out in the wine country in Oregon. He wasn't even in the contest but he thought an Oregon pig shoulda won, not some pen-raised porker from Iowa, and everybody was at this bar down in Portland, and then they were at this strip club, and then there was this fight, and they both ended up in jail. Of course I'm not making this up, you couldn't make this up. Read all about it! It's all over the blogs, sweetie.

Anyway, the whole porking show is coming to Seattle on Sunday (May 23), and if you've got a spare Benjamin or so lying around, you can still get in.

If you go: Cochon 555 — five chefs prepare 140-lb. heritage pigs, snout-to-tail, Sunday (May 23), Bell Harbor International Conference Center, Pier 66, 2211 Alaskan Way, Seattle. Tickets cost $125 ($175 for VIP tasting, which includes oysters and premium wines) and are available online. Reservations also can be made by calling 404-849-3569.