Flip Side: Handicapping the Veepstakes
Who will Romney pick as his running mate? Best bets are between some boring white guy, a convicted felon, Superman, or Lassie.
Who will Romney chose as his running mate? Will he try to reassure his base or attract independents? Can he satisfy both the Tea Party and the literate? Will he chance an unknown as McCain did? Here is the scoop from Flip Side's veteran bureau:
TIM PAWLENTY, former Minnesota governor (5-to-2 odds)
Positives:
- Boring white guy.
- Could help with the boring white guy vote.
Negatives:
- Boring white guy
- Excluding some Democratic senators, Romney already has the entire boring white guy vote locked up.
CHRIS CHRISTIE, governor of New Jersey (3 to 1)
Positives:
- Could appeal to both swing voters and reassure the base.
- Passes Tea Party’s Three Litmus Tests: belligerent, bullying, and bellicose.
- Never been indicted.
- Double Fathead Ticket often victorious: Nixon-Agnew, Carter-Mondale, Bush-Cheney.
Negatives:
- Cannot fit into Air Force 2.
SUPERMAN, Superhero and Man of Steel (4 to 1)
Positives:
- Popular crime fighter.
- Faster than a speeding bullet.
- More powerful than a locomotive.
- Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound.
Negatives:
- Birthers allege he was born on the planet Krypton.
- Real name is Kal-El. Sounds like a rap artist.
- Spandex dress. Is he gay? A gay rap artist?
MARCO RUBIO, senator from Florida (5 to 1)
Positives:
- Could undermine Obama’s Hispanic vote.
- Young and charismatic.
- Popular senator from a critical battleground state.
- Tea party favorite.
Negatives: Vetting could reveal that Rubio:
- Does not floss and hangs toilet paper back to the wall.
- Thinks Malaysia is a chain of noodle restaurants.
- Dated Paula Jones and Monica Lewinski.
- Charges that Iran’s possession of OMGs threatens US security.
ROD BLAGOJEVICH, former Illinois governor (7 to 1)
Positives:
- Could erode Obama’s support among Serbian narcissists, unemployed extortionists, and disgraced reality TV has-beens.
- Dream ticket for hair.
- Not eligible for supervised release until 2024.
LASSIE, Wonder Dog (12 to 1)
Positives:
- Highest name recognition and approval rating in the filed.
- Iconic symbol of Republican values: loyal, dependable, responsible, and family oriented.
Negatives:
- Too intellectual for the base.
- Compensation is an issue. Her agent demands double time after 35 hours a week.
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Comments:
Posted Thu, Jun 28, 5:47 a.m. Inappropriate
The only thing that is handicapped in this article is Clifford supposed ability to write humor. He is a "little johnny one note" pandering Democrat. Go ahead and see what kind of reaction an article that would call potential Democrat candidates for any office referred to by their race "Boring white guy", Weight"won't fit in Airforce 2, a "Gay" rap artist? A "Hispanic" who hangs toilet paper to the back wall and dated Bill Clinton left overs, A convicted Republican Governor for Democrat VP and finally a "Dog" is too intelligent for the Democrat base. No, simply not funny.
Posted Thu, Jun 28, 6:12 a.m. Inappropriate
Cameron, I find his diatribe to be a lot more amusing then the retard dribble that you just drooled out of the side of your lip. I think you should invest in an Alienware with a new keyboard. Yours appears to be broken.
PS. Obama > Romney. OBAMACARE IS UNCONSTITUTIONAL BECAUSE IT VIOLATES TEH INTERSTATE COMMERCE LAWS! ROFLROFLROFL LOLLOL GG NOOB GO TAKE POLY SCI 101
Posted Fri, Jun 29, 7:22 a.m. Inappropriate
Reading is fundamental Noob. The Court did find that the expansion of the Commerce Clause written into the ACA was unconstitutional. That is why it changed the Penalty to a Tax. Clifford is still a Democrat Hack and he isn't very good at writing humor.
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