Humor: Obama's secret plan to turn Larry Summers into a WMD
Unleashing Summers' DNA on enemy leaders' brains could be devastating. But what if Romney responds by doing the same with George W. Bush?
The Pentagon and the Obama administration are heatedly debating the weaponization of Larry Summers.
Pentagon hawks, led by Gen. Martin Dempsey, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, are pushing to weaponize Summers by January 2013. "Larry Summers is the most destructive force on earth," Gen. Dempsey stated. "This is the is a guy who wrecked the American economy, Obama's first term, and Harvard. A weaponized Summers will assure our continued military superiority."
According to highly placed military sources, weaponization would employ drones to beam Summers' DNA at foreign leaders. Such leaders would begin thinking and acting like Larry Summers, causing ruinous social and economic chaos.
The White House finds itself in a delicate position. It understands the devastating potential of a weaponized Summers. However, it worries that the introduction of Summers-class weapons could precipitate a new arms race and political instability.
"Weaponizing Summers would represent a quantum leap in arms technology, equivalent to the making of the atomic bomb and the invention of gunpowder," warned Obama advisor David Axelrod.
"Remember, we are not the only country that possesses individuals with potentially crippling power. What if the Brits weaponized Prince Charles? They could turn any nation in into a bunch of jug-eared twits who dream of becoming Tampons."
Obama reportedly worries about "blowback" and the unintended consequences of a weaponized Summers. "Suppose we weaponized Kim Kardashian to make foreign leaders self-serving publicity addicts and narcissistic egomaniacs," Axelrod asked. "Initially we could not tell if a weaponized Kardashian was effective since almost all foreign leaders are already self-serving publicity addicts and narcissistic egomaniacs. Then we would face the blowback and unintended consequences of Angela Merkel, Kim Jongun, and Supreme Iranian leader Ali Khamenei releasing sex tapes of themselves."
Obama will likely postpone the decision on weaponizing Larry Summers until after the November election. "He does not want to allow Romney to counterpunch by pledging to weaponize George W. Bush, Rush Limbaugh, or the entire Fox News Network," Axelrod confided.
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Comments:
Posted Fri, Jul 13, 9:01 a.m. Inappropriate
This is nice, Cliff. I was just thinking of Summers the other day, when I happened on an op-ed of his, that one page of Summers' drone amounts to a combination of Tom Friedman + David Brooks. Just make people read one page of Summers once a day, for a month, and they will be so numb that you can do anything you want with them.
Posted Sat, Jul 14, 12:16 p.m. Inappropriate
Just make people read one page of Clifford once a day, for a month, and they will be so numb that you can do anything you want with them.
Fixed it for the readers of Crosscut.
Posted Tue, Jul 17, 9:08 a.m. Inappropriate
It's always a problem when you have to include the prefix "Humor:" to the headline.
Posted Sun, Jul 15, 11:08 a.m. Inappropriate
Turns out that Cliff and I need to apologize to Larry Summers,
http://www.nybooks.com/articles/archives/2012/jul/12/getting-away-it/?page=2
where we find out that
"Obama’s innate centrism led him to adopt the preoccupation with the budget deficit of Geithner and Peter Orszag (his head of the Office of Management and Budget and another Rubin protégé) in opposition to vocal protests from both Summers and Romer that now was not the time to worry about deficits....
As a result, Obama would never acknowledge that the original stimulus was not big enough, a position that left him boxed in when it became clear—as it already had by summer of 2010, if not earlier—that it had indeed been far too small.
The low point, in Scheiber’s account, was Obama’s inept handling of the 2010 negotiations over the extension of the Bush tax cuts. His own economics team, deeply concerned that “the president was AWOL” on the issue, undertook to resolve it on their own. It was Geithner and the former Clinton political hand Gene Sperling who extracted concessions from the Republicans on the final deal, while Obama still sought compromise. Another casualty of this period was any real progress on debt relief for homeowners. By the end of 2010, both Summers and Romer left Washington in frustration." Alas! Lean mean Geithner is the problem, and the sight of him has always set of all kinds of alert and danger signals in me!
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