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Romney's warmth-and-charisma team gets heated up

Satire: For the four individuals creating the appearance that Romney is, in fact, in touch with reality, the challenge brings daily headaches and strained tempers.

On Monday morning, "The New York Times" published an article on the G.O.P.'s efforts to spruce up Mitt Romney's charisma at the Republican National Convention ("G.O.P Packaging Seeks to Reveal a Warm Romney,") What the article failed to mention was the team of individuals dedicated to this difficult task.

Ron Twillie will play a key role at the Republican convention. As Romney's Director of Warmth he will coordinate all planning to present the candidate as affable, affectionate and easy going. Ron will be assisted by four deputies, each assigned responsibility for a specific personality trait of the "warm" Romney.

Emily Pester, the Deputy Director for Geniality, who had previously served on Romney's Sincerity staff, was excited about her new position. "It is quite a compliment to be asked to take a guy who is aloof, out of touch and has a flagpole up his ass, and make him look affectionate and agreeable."

Ralph Whitebread agrees. "This is a challenging 24/7 job. But if we can make this detached automaton appear friendly and sympathetic, we will have earned our stripes. We will show the other side of the Romney who sys he likes to fire people. We will show him building tax shelters with his grandchildren, playing a friendly game of court tennis with NASCAR team owners, and relaxing at home in his car elevator.”

Ralph was promoted to Deputy Director for Amiability after working as one of Romney's nine Spontaneity Planners.

However, there were rumors of infighting between Warmth staffers. Josh Douche, the Deputy Director for Cordiality, and Kristen Dorf, the Deputy Director for Effusiveness, are feuding over who should have authority over Romney's kindliness, friendliness and amicability. According to staffers, the Deputy Director for Cordiality called the Deputy Director for Effusiveness “a hostile, aggressive bitch,” and she labeled him “a venomous, malicious bastard.”

Steve Clifford writes humor for Crosscut. He is the author of the recently published political satire, Fools and Knaves. In his unhumorous life, he was CEO of King Broadcasting and once played a role in saving New York City from bankruptcy.


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Comments:

Posted Mon, Aug 20, 6:08 p.m. Inappropriate

Admittedly they're no, say, Crosscut Humor Squad.
But who is?

BlueLight

Posted Wed, Aug 22, 5:23 a.m. Inappropriate

Finally, a Biography of Steve Clifford we can all agree on.

"It is quite a compliment to be asked to take a guy who is aloof, out of touch and has a flagpole up his ass, and make him look affectionate and agreeable."

Cameron

Posted Wed, Aug 22, 8:47 a.m. Inappropriate

I'm guessing NY wasn't saved by benefit stand-ups.

BlueLight

Posted Thu, Aug 23, 3:55 p.m. Inappropriate

I guess if you hate Romney that might be funny. Even then it's a stretch.

kieth

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