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Clifford jumps into the presidential race as an un-candidate

Flip Side: Voters don't want the candidate formerly known as Mitt Romney, nor that shape-shifter Obama. It's obvious, then, who they want.
Steve Clifford, proprietor of Flip Side

Steve Clifford, proprietor of Flip Side

Mitt Romney is running on the promise of “I’m not Barack Obama,” and Obama is running on the platform “I’m not Mitt Romney.”   Third party candidate Steven Clifford may have transformed the race with his dramatic statement:  ”I am neither Barack Obama nor Mitt Romney.”

While Clifford admittedly lacks experience in politics and government, he points to a long and successful career of being neither Obama nor Romney  “I have not been Mitt Romney since my sophomore year in college, and I was not Barack Obama before anyone had ever heard of Barack Obama.  In fact, I was not Barry Obama back when he was Barry Obama.”

Clifford claims his experience and record of success in being neither Barack Obama nor Mitt Romney are unrivaled.  “Many people find it difficult to simply be themselves.  But to be oneself while at the same time not being two other people is a remarkable achievement,” Clifford boasted.  “As Lincoln said, ‘Some people cannot be other people some of the time, and other people cannot be some of the people part of the time, but all of the people cannot not be all of the people all of the time.’”

Clifford pledged if elected president, he would continue not to be Mitt Romney and Barack Obama.  “My record of consistency in not being Obama or Romney speaks for itself.”

Leaders in both parties were quick to dispute Clifford’s claim.  “I have my people working on this,” Donald Trump stated.  “We know from birth records that Barack Obama is not Barack Obama.  So who is Barack Obama?  My people have uncovered evidence indicating that Steve Clifford may be Barack Obama.  Clifford’s birth certificate is clearly fraudulent.  We think Clifford was born in Kenya and originally named Obama.”
 
Vice President Biden also questioned Clifford’s claims.  “America does not know who Mitt Romney is, nor who Steve Clifford is,” Biden stated.  “And both Romney and Clifford don’t seem to know who they are.  What proof do we have that they are not each other?“

Obama adviser David Axelrod asked, “Why would Clifford promise that if elected he would not become Mitt Romney unless he could become Mitt Romney?   I believe he has already become Mitt Romney to reduce his income taxes.”

Romney staffers are preparing a contingency plan.   If Clifford continues to rise in the polls, they will proclaim that Romney is actually Clifford.   “We may reveal that Romney was Romney when he was governor of Massachusetts.  Later, after meeting with physicians, scientists, and bio-ethicists to better understand himself, he had an epiphany that he was, in fact, Steve Clifford,” a senior Romney adviser confided.

Steve Clifford writes humor for Crosscut. He is the author of the recently published political satire, Fools and Knaves. In his unhumorous life, he was CEO of King Broadcasting and once played a role in saving New York City from bankruptcy.


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Comments:

Posted Mon, Sep 10, 7:09 a.m. Inappropriate

Clifford may not be either Obama or Romney, but how about trying not to be a "humorist"?

Cameron

Posted Mon, Sep 10, 9:58 a.m. Inappropriate

I've been asking myself who I wanted in my living room for the next four years: Barack Obama, Mitt Romney, or none of the above? And old none of the above was winning, hands down. Until today. Since we can't elect President Clinton to a third term, welcome President Clifford. With you in office, my living room will be enlivened by a few laughs now and then so please join the fray. American living rooms need you.

Posted Mon, Sep 10, 7:55 p.m. Inappropriate

I think that is an excellent idea, Clifford is hereby appointed President of Crankyoldlady's living room.

Cameron

Posted Tue, Sep 11, 6:45 a.m. Inappropriate

Editor's sycophant pick. Mention a Clinton third term, tie it to left wing Clifford and you have yourself a "pick". Tells you everything you need to know about the editors.

Cameron

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