Ash for clunkers
I recently received an envelope in the mail offering a "Free Pre-Paid Cremation!" I figured it was either a note from an irate reader or a sign that Obama's "death panels" were up and running.
Since I'm not dead quite yet, the offer seemed premature. Turned out it was from Neptune Society in Bellevue, an organization that arranges for budget burnings for those who choose to go up in smoke. I've noticed that cremation seems to be hot these days. In Spokane, along Division Street (their version of Aurora Way) there are signs touting low-cost cremations the way you'd expect used cars to be sold. Is it a sign of recession woes?
The pitch letter from Neptune offers some insights into the contemporary death-pitch.
One, they state that because we're such a mobile society these days, cremation is best because you can take it with you, if the "it" is the ashes of a loved one. No sense in being needlessly bound to place by the graves of your ancestors. "Cremation just makes sense," they declare.
Another reason: Cremation has less environmental impact. You think plastic bags are bad for the environment, what about grandma embalmed in a casket? It should be noted that the Neptune pitch came on recycled paper.
I'm not sure of what the carbon footprint is of reducing a body to carbon, but it's worth investigating. I wonder if your body is transported to the crematorium by cyclists from the Sightline Institute?
Yet another advantage: No hard-sell from creepy morticians who try to sell the bereaved all kinds of things they don't need. Cremation will "protect your family from falling victim to pressure to 'over-spend' on your funeral." Forget the death tax; it's predatory funeral homes you should be worried about if you want to protect your inheritance. Your siblings could also peck away at your inheritance. Why not arrange for their pre-paid cremations too while you're at it?
The Neptune envelope came with a stars-and-stripes stamp and the large print of an American flag. Cremation, apparently, is patriotic too.
A cheap cremation is appealing during tough economic times. If nothing else it will increase your post-mortem urning power.








Comments:
Posted Tue, Aug 18, 2:37 p.m. inappropriate
I am wholly in favor of cremation, but this is just bizarre. Gotta love the comments on BoingBoing's post on Neptune's tactics (http://www.boingboing.net/2009/05/05/free-pre-paid-cremat.html): "That just burns me up." "What an inflammatory post." "Gotta pay the carbon tax." "I say mark it 'Return to Cinder.'"
Seems like a good time to mention Seattle's own, pioneering People's Memorial Association (http://www.peoplesmemorial.org/) and People's Memorial Funeral Coop (http://www.funerals.coop/). (Note: my only association with these organizations is as a member of the former [$25 for lifetime membership] and a small donor to the startup fund of the latter.)
The PMA was founded in 1939 by some of the same people that started up Group Health, and was an early, if not founding, member of the national Funerals Consumer Alliance (http://www.funerals.org/).
A quick comparison shows that the PMFC will do a cremation for about half the price of Neptune... but of course they don't have the same marketing dollars.
Posted Tue, Aug 18, 9:17 p.m. inappropriate
Morticians are going the way of milkmen--boomers are just not that attached to being headstoned in a quiet corner, or, for that matter, headstoning their parents, if their parents have not made pre-paid funeral arrangements: So how many of us have friends or family members who keep a box of ashes somewhere in the closet waiting for moment when we can get up the courage to spread them? I have several friends who've found the job of dispersing "ashes" more than they bargained for: there are chunks of bone in there too. One friend recalls this as his last look at his father: titanium hardware from a hip replacement. That's the thing about the Neptune Society: they also drop the ashes for you at sea, if I'm not mistaken.
Posted Wed, Aug 19, 12:30 p.m. inappropriate
I enthusiastically SECOND Benjamin Lukoff's comments about People's Memorial Association (http://www.peoplesmemorial.org/) and People's Memorial Funeral Coop (http://www.funerals.coop/), and have been a member for 35+ years, as well as have other family members present and past.
Posted Thu, Aug 20, 3:51 p.m. inappropriate
Thanks Knute for your tongue-in-cheek perspective on cremation. You are right-on in your observations! The current economic climate is definitely accelerating the social trend away from burial and toward cremation. Funeral Homes that continue to promote burial with an expensive casket will soon go the way of the Oldsmobile dealership.
Many people confuse Neptune Society (Neptune) with People's Memorial Association (PMA), however there are some significant differences.
People's Memorial Association is a non-profit organization that was founded 70 years ago in Seattle's University district, by some very forward-thinking citizens who wanted to make simple, economical cremation and burial a viable option for consumers. People's Memorial Association also provides consumer information and advocacy to benefit all consumers. The current PMA price for cremation is $649. Lifetime membership is $25. You will not not get a tacky mailing from us and no salesman will call.
Neptune is a for-profit corporation which uses mass marketing and commissioned salesmen to promote its services. The use of the word "Society" causes many to confuse Neptune with non-profit memorial societies around the US, such as PMA. Neptune has recenty raised its cremation price to $1,900. To be eligible for the monthly drawing for a free cremation, you need to meet with a Neptune salesman. (think timeshare sales) If you're a veteran, (reason for the flag on their literature) they'll give you a $100 discount, so you pay only $1,800!
People's Memorial Association wants all consumers to make informed choices about their final arrangements, but regarding the difference between PMA and Neptune, I let the facts speak for themselves.
And yes, PMA serves the entire state of Washington--including Spokane, but you won't see our prices on any tacky marquis on Division St. We currently contract with 21 funeral homes around the state to serve our members, including our member-owned, People's Memorial Funeral Cooperative on Seattle's Capitol Hill.
Keep up the good humor on the inevitable. We like to say we put the "fun" back in funerals...
John Eric Rolfstad, Executive Director
People's Memorial Association
People's Memorial Funeral Cooperative
Posted Fri, Aug 21, 8:30 p.m. inappropriate
And let's not forget the pitfalls and history of mishandled and criminally prosecuted cases of pre-payment arrangements for funeral services, which is what Neptune (and most for-profit funeral homes) use to generate short-term profits for themselves or their corporate shareholders.
Very good information on the pros and cons of this issue are available online from (guess who?), Seattle's Peoples Memorial Association, and the national Funeral Consumers Alliance (www.funerals.org): check out the "forms and brochures" tab at either site for this, and more, very useful consumer information.