The truth about free toilets

I saw a post on the Seattle Weekly's blog that really got me going, as it promised free, energy efficient toilets from the city of Seattle. The hub and I would desperately like to replace our circa '70s water hog with something more efficient. But a new toilet is far down the list, after the more pressing need to replace several aged, leaking windows. That's been on the list for a while now, about as long as the bowl has been sitting under the window to catch the drips.

Feeling as if I were calling KEXP to be one of the first in for concert tickets, I dialed the number given on the blog. I flew through the first couple of questions — Do you own your own home? Not counting the mortgage, yes! Do you live within the limits of the city of Seattle? Despite Ballard's belief to the contrary, yes! But then the kindly city worker posed this one: What is your financial situation? I refrained from the sarcastic response I wanted to give: Bad enough to need a free toilet. How to convey the complexities of one's financial situation, and to a stranger, over the phone? How badly did I want this free toilet, anyway?

It turns out that unless we quit our jobs and return to the work we did right out of high school, we don't qualify for a free toilet. The cap for a family of two wage-earning adults with or without children is $32,500 in combined annual income.

Does anyone who owns a home in Seattle qualify? I asked the city worker. Yes, she said. Mainly elderly people who've owned their homes for many years.

The program, which is ongoing (no need to try to beat the first 10 callers), works like this:

Those earning an annual household income of less than $32,500 get a free toilet but have to pay for the installation.

Those earning an annual household income of less than $19,500 get a free toilet and free installation.

If you qualify and want to take advantage of the offer, call (206) 448-5751. As for me, I'll keep dreaming on.

• Lisa Albers is deputy editor of Crosscut and a Seattle freelance writer. She can be reached at lisa.albers@crosscut.com.