Humor: If corporations are people, let's nail them for jaywalking
Hold still, Goldman Sachs, while we read you your rights.
In separate cases earlier this week, federal judges upheld the convictions of MetLife for "prowling" and Goldman Sachs for "loitering." Citing the U.S. Supreme Court's Citizens United ruling that corporations are persons, both judges affirmed that corporations can be convicted of petty crimes.
It Atlanta, MetLife was arrested and convicted of "prowling" after citizens complained of harassment, coercion, and prevarication by life insurance salesmen. Georgia law defines prowling as "being in a place, at a time, or in a manner not usual for law-abiding individuals under circumstances that warrant alarm for the safety of persons or property in the vicinity."
"That is precisely how we, in the life insurance business, define sales," MetLife claimed in their defense. However, the judge in the case ruled no law-abiding person would be peddling such dreck as MetLife insurance products, and furthermore, the sale of such policies "warrant alarm for the safety of persons or property in the vicinity."
Six months ago, Chicago police arrested Goldman Sachs for loitering after nearby businesses complained that the Goldman presence was scaring customers and giving their neighborhood a bad reputation. "With Goldman partners on the loose, people fear being duped, scammed and front runned," one neighbor protested.
Chicago law, originally designed to fight gangs, defines loitering as "remaining in any one place under circumstances that would warrant a reasonable person to believe that the purpose or effect of that behavior is to enable a criminal street gang to establish control over identifiable areas, to intimidate others from entering those areas, or to conceal illegal activities."
In trial court, Goldman was held to be a criminal gang attempting to establish control over the supplementary liquidity provider (SLP) program and the trading markets for various derivatives, and intimidating other trading firms from entering these areas.
Goldman has appealed the decision claiming that establishing control over identifiable areas and intimidating entry are "indispensable, necessary and traditional practices for market makers in the securities business."
Met Life also appealed. However, if these rulings affirmed by higher courts, "the corporations are persons" theory could lead to corporations being called for jury duty, drafted in wartime, deported and cited for jaywalking.
In related news, the Vatican announced that, being persons, all corporations were incorporated with original sin.
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Comments:
Posted Thu, Jul 26, 7:16 a.m. Inappropriate
11 people died when that oil platform in the Gulf exploded. Isn't it time that BP be charged with, at the very least, manslaughter?
And, since BP is a FOREIGN corporation, once convicted of a felony, shouldn't it be deported?
Posted Thu, Jul 26, 8:11 a.m. Inappropriate
And you left out the Unions. They are people too, fleecing thier members while representing the interests of the UNION bosses, instead of the worker-bees, who by and large are great people.
/smarmy
Posted Thu, Jul 26, 8:25 a.m. Inappropriate
I appreciate the chuckles here -- the gods know we certainly need a laugh -- but the question we keep asking at my house, especially in light of newer, more restrictive voting rules across the country, is that if corporations are people, can they register to vote? Not just try to influence elections, but actually register, get a ballot, and vote.
Posted Thu, Jul 26, 8:32 a.m. Inappropriate
Yes. And while we're at it let's arrest non-profits for theft and tax evasion, labor unions for graft, and indian tribes for extortion.
Posted Mon, Jul 30, 7:12 p.m. Inappropriate
My argument has been that its more important for people to be treated like corporations.
Every child should be turned into a Chapter S at birth, have his DNA copyrighted and have his name registered ICAHN so squatters don't get it.
As I wrote:
"For the past century, the laws have been trying to make the corporate entity into a real legal person, with all the rights that entails. At the same time, they are trying to make the real physical individual a slave!
Take the current "housing crises". It's obvious that everything under the sun is being blamed for the "problem" except for the real answer...prices were too high. Now people are being left with assets that are depreciating while ARM payments are rising.
The most rational solution would be for a person to walk away from the debt and be foreclosed. Then they could rebuy at a lower market rate. In fact, banks should create mechanisms that tie the daily price of the mortgage to an estimated worth of the house, like a bond."
http://yrihf.com/viewtopic.php?t=897&sid;=2f7b705cc4dd46972546fb2275843763
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