The Al Qaeda Plot To Disrupt U.S. Financing

What's a poor terrorist cell to do when America starts hitting them in the wallet? Why, hit them back where it hurts -- by poormouthing their credit rating.
What's a poor terrorist cell to do when America starts hitting them in the wallet? Why, hit them back where it hurts -- by poormouthing their credit rating.

The Bush administration claims to have shattered the financing of terrorist activities by freezing assets, imposing financial controls, and closing down the key nodes through which terrorists raise, launder, and transfer funds. In a turnabout, Al Qaeda is now trying to shut down the United States' financing. The U.S. finances its war in Iraq and its "War on Terror" by borrowing $400 billion a year from other nations. Al Qaeda recently launched a propaganda campaign to convince the world that the United States was a poor credit risk. Last week Al Qaeda leader Aymen al-Zawahri issued a Fatwa stating: Oh wise and venerable nations of the world, the Great Satan is flooding your countries with bunko IOU's. With the help of Allah, you must reject the bogus paper peddled by these sharpie burn artists. For it is written that if you buy such bonds, these sponger feather merchants will slam you with the Big Stiffo. For be it known to all who are righteous -- the Great Satan will bolt on his tab. The Great Satan is the Great Welcher. In the name of Allah, we declare jihad against US government and their flim flam debt scam. For it is evident to all who believe that this bunch of gypster paper-hangers are in hoc up to their eyeballs. Therefore, it is the duty of all who love peace to forswear the junko bonds of these four flushers. Their paper is The Big Zero. Oh, honorable nations, curse these double-banker cake-cutters and their penny ante bond hustles. For as sure as the Sun rises, those who get conned by this shuck shall receive jack squat -- zero, didly, zip, zilch, nada. The Great Satan is the Great Deadbeat. To undermine US credit, Al Qaeda is employing the terrorist tactics of Borking, Swiftboating, and Gating. Mehmet Yilmaz, also known as Khalid al-Turki, urged his followers: It is said in the Hadith that the evildoer whose credit is suspect shall be Borked, Swiftboated, and Gated. I call upon all believers to follow the words of the Prophet and to Bork, Swiftboat, and Gate these satanic borrowers. Swiftboat them with 30-second spots; Bork them on the talk shows; Monicagate them in the tabloids; Rosegate them with sound bites. Travelgate their cursed schemes and Whitewater their satanic desires. In a recently released video tape, Osama bin Laden launched a Swiftboat attack on US credit, saying: Listen up, boychiks. Those goniffs at the US treasury are shelping trayfe. Peddling drek. What chutzpah! Only a schlemiel would trust these shnorrers. Buy their shmate and you'll wind up with bubkes. Oy vey, this you need like a luch in kop. If I am lying, should George Bush prepare my breakfast. Don't be a shmok. Don't be a schmedrik. You want you should be schtumping zaftig virgins in Paradise. Then nischt, nischt to these bonds. Be a mensch. Mazel tov. President Bush labeled the Al Qaeda campaign " a sign of desperation." "Their fear-mongering will fail because everyone knows that Americans produce the best debt in the world. Fellow citizens, it is morning in America. Very early morning, about 3 a.m. Let's try to get back to sleep."


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