Sarah Palin gave what was described as a "red meat" acceptance speech. I believe the term "red meat" was an accolade. I wonder why, since red meat is linked to heart disease, cancer, stroke, and DNA damage.
Why do politicians never give white-meat speeches, seafood speeches, or vegan speeches? These would be better for everyone's health.
I don't understand much of today's political lexicon.
Politicians are labeled "hard-nosed." What does this mean? Are their noses actually harder than those of their opponents? If it is a metaphor, it is a weak one. To function properly, the nose should be pliant and lubricated. Allowing aggressive picking without risking injury appears the sole benefit of a hard nose.
"Tough-minded" is also a political complement, although the rewards of sinew and ligament in the brain escape me.
I was attracted to "family values" until I learned these were code words for everything my family does not value.
And then there is "vetting." I finally learned what vetting is. Vetting is the cause of my psychological afflictions.
I discovered this during yesterday's session with Dr. Jungfreud:
Dr. Jungfreud: Perhaps you still have not worked through being vetted as a child.
Me: I was never vetted as a child.
Dr. Jungfreud: The childhood vetting was so traumatic you have repressed the memory.
Me: I was never vetted as a child.
Dr. Jungfreud: I have dealt with severe cases who, as children, were hurriedly vetted, or not fully vetted, but never one who was unvetted. Were your parents negligent? Did they ignore their obligation to vet their children?
Me: My parents vetted my siblings, but they never vetted me. I was an unplanned child, the product of the rhythm system.
Dr. Jungfreud: You were raised a Catholic. Weren't you vetted before your First Communion?
Me: No. My parents dressed me up in a white suit, but they never vetted me.
Dr. Jungfreud: The Church allowed you to receive Holy Communion without being vetted? The transubstantiated Body of Christ was subjected to an unvetted digestive track?
Me: No. It stuck to the roof of my mouth.
Dr. Jungfreud: Do you think your feelings of worthlessness are related to being unvetted?
Me: Last week you said my feelings of worthlessness displayed a realistic appraisal of my reputation, character, and abilities.
Dr. Jungfreud: That was before I learned you had not been vetted as a child. How do you feel about this?
Me: I feel unvetted.
Dr. Jungfreud: An unvetted person can never feel worthwhile.
Me: Should I get vetted now?
Dr. Jungfreud: What do you think?
Me: What do you think? I'm paying you!
Dr. Jungfreud: It is not be too late to be vetted. Vetting may relieve your symptoms of paranoid schizophrenia, dissociative identity disorder, and pathological narcissism.
Me: How do I get vetted?
Dr. Jungfreud: First, prepare yourself by taking one of the vetting prep courses offered by Kaplan or Sylvan Learning. Then get vetted either online at wannavet.com or as part of your annual physical, right after your colonoscopy.
Me: Will I be a good vettee?
Dr. Jungfreud: What do you think?
