Humor: Mr. Science disproves Intelligent Design

Republicans are involved, as well as lost tribes and "genetic drift." Read on.
Crosscut archive image.

The Pacific Science Center arches

Republicans are involved, as well as lost tribes and "genetic drift." Read on.

It's time once again for Ask Mr. Science.

Q. Some experiments show light to be a wave. Others show light to be a particle. Which is it?

Mr. Science: Neither. Light is a virus.

Q. How can light be a virus and travel 186,000 miles a second?

Mr. Science: Light is a very fast virus.

Q. There's a theory that every time a quantum event happens, a new parallel universe is created. What are the implications of this theory?

Mr. Science: If this theory is correct, real estate is vastly overvalued.

Q. Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

Mr. Science: Researchers at the University of Chicago recently proved that the Chicken preceded the Egg. 'ꀜThe Chicken definitely came first,'ꀝ Dr. Gail Connelly, the leader of the Chicago team announced. 'ꀜThe egg came second, or maybe third. It'ꀙs not even close.'ꀝ Dr. Connelly, a biometric astrophysicist, led the interdisciplinary team through a highly complex analysis of proteomic-based genetic de-sequencing of mitochondrial RNA of both the Chicken and the Egg. After reviewing all the data, Dr. Connelly concluded, 'ꀜSince the egg came from the chicken, the chicken must have come first.'ꀝ

Q. Placed behind three closed doors are two goats and a brand new General Motors Hummer H3T. Asked to select a door, you choose door No. 1. Monty Hall then opens door No. 2 revealing a goat and asks you if you want to change your selection. Should you?

Mr. Science: No. A goat has higher resale value than a Hummer. By not switching you increase your chances of winning a goat.

Q. Is it true that no two snowflakes are alike?

Mr. Science: This is myth. Next time it snows, look for yourself. You will find hundreds of snowflakes that are alike. There are more snowflakes than there are possible shapes. Ergo, some snowflakes must be the same.

Q. Can science disprove the theory of Intelligent Design?

Mr. Science: Yes. The conduct of the Republican congressional delegation disproves the theory of Intelligent Design.

Q. What explains the Republican congressional delegation?

Mr. Science: This is a controversial question. Since the behaviors they exhibit do not confer survival value, scientists attribute the delegation'ꀙs existence to a phenomenon known as 'ꀜgenetic drift.'ꀝ Americans who prefer biblical over scientific explanations believe the Republican delegation comprises the remnants of the lost tribe descended from Sabetha, the evil son of Cush.

Q. Should we mandate that public schools teach both sides of this controversy?

Mr. Science: Absolutely. Teach the controversy. Present both sides and let the students decide for themselves. This has worked well with the theory of heliocentricism, which is now accepted by 53 percent of adult Americans.

Q. Why is the sky blue?

Mr. Science: Sunlight reflects off the ocean and transfers the blue color onto the sky.

Q. Why is the sky blue in places such as Kansas that have no water nearby?

Mr. Science: The sky is Kansas is not blue. It only looks blue.

Q. The Hubble Space Telescope site estimates there are hundreds of billions of galaxies in the universe. How can there be this many galaxies?

Mr. Science: Galaxies are viruses. They multiply rapidly.


Please support independent local news for all.

We rely on donations from readers like you to sustain Crosscut's in-depth reporting on issues critical to the PNW.


About the Authors & Contributors