Announcing our Status Enhancer Award nominees

For years now Flip Side has been recognizing excellence in one-upmanship, and it's high time we did so publicly.
Crosscut archive image.

Grandpa Australopithecus.

For years now Flip Side has been recognizing excellence in one-upmanship, and it's high time we did so publicly.

The nominees for Flip Side's coveted Status Enhancer Awards are:

Best short statement implying that one is "Old Money Seattle."

  1. I invested in Amazon in 1995.
  2. I was in on the first round of Starbucks.
  3. I was hired by Microsoft in 1988.

Best omission of a fact about your child:

  1. "Alisha decided that Princeton was not for her." Omitted fact: And vice versa.
  2. "Scott may try out for the Olympic sailing team." Omitted fact: He could also try out for power forward for the Sonics. He would have a better chance.
  3. "Carla has been working day and night on Yale law review." Omitted fact: She has been reading it.

Best remark establishing outdoor credentials:

  1. My REI number is not hard to remember since it is only two digits.
  2. At rock climbs rated 5.9 or higher, I often try to go with someone who is familiar with the route.
  3. I was probably foolish to try for the summit without oxygen, but, what the hell, you only go around once.

Best short statement combining suggestions of wealth with environmental sensitivity:

  1. Given our acreage, collecting enough rainwater for icemakers in our six wet bars is no problem.
  2. We hung a clothesline in our back yard between the Calder and the Moore.
  3. My Hermès Birkin bag runs on solar power.

Best comment after viewing the label "John Constable, 1826" beside a painting at an art museum:

  1. "Today almost everyone agrees that it is a Constable."
  2. "Look. Now they are dating the Constable 1826."
  3. "If I am not mistaken, he had a row with his wife the summer of 1826."

Best display of family lineage:

  1. Sliver framed photographs of an elegant family summering in Newport. R.I., in 1922 tastefully displayed on top of the grand piano.
  2. Framed charcoal portraits of Merovian Kings Chilperic II (715-720) and Theuderic IV (721-737), both inscribed "With love from Grandpa," (in Medieval French) hanging over the fireplace.
  3. A Plexiglas étagère holding skulls of Australopithecus afarensis ancestors dating from 3.3 million years BCE.

Most upwardly mobile names, drawn from the French Revolution, for two cats:

  1. Mirabeau and Lafayette
  2. Danton and Desmoulins
  3. Marat and St. Just

Best complaint about the help:

  1. My Butler is having a devil of a time finding domestics who are competent at polishing the silver.
  2. I don't know how I will get through November with my saddle maker on vacation.
  3. I've got to learn Spanish so I can communicate better with my grounds crew, my upstairs help, and my maintenance staff.

Best complaint about fishing:

  1. I may skip the Alta River in Norway this season. It has become overrun with people claiming to be European royalty.
  2. The mosquitoes on the Ponoi in Kamchatka last spring were brutal.
  3. I thought the food at the Kau-Tapen Lodge in Tierra del Fuego was overrated.

Flip Side will also select the winner of its Flopper-roo Award for the most status-depleting statement of the year. This year's nominees are:

  1. We're upper class.
  2. We're more than comfortable. We're rich.
  3. I sometimes enjoy Flip Side.

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