The nominees for Flip Side's coveted Status Enhancer Awards are:
Best short statement implying that one is "Old Money Seattle."
- I invested in Amazon in 1995.
- I was in on the first round of Starbucks.
- I was hired by Microsoft in 1988.
Best omission of a fact about your child:
- "Alisha decided that Princeton was not for her." Omitted fact: And vice versa.
- "Scott may try out for the Olympic sailing team." Omitted fact: He could also try out for power forward for the Sonics. He would have a better chance.
- "Carla has been working day and night on Yale law review." Omitted fact: She has been reading it.
Best remark establishing outdoor credentials:
- My REI number is not hard to remember since it is only two digits.
- At rock climbs rated 5.9 or higher, I often try to go with someone who is familiar with the route.
- I was probably foolish to try for the summit without oxygen, but, what the hell, you only go around once.
Best short statement combining suggestions of wealth with environmental sensitivity:
- Given our acreage, collecting enough rainwater for icemakers in our six wet bars is no problem.
- We hung a clothesline in our back yard between the Calder and the Moore.
- My Hermès Birkin bag runs on solar power.
Best comment after viewing the label "John Constable, 1826" beside a painting at an art museum:
- "Today almost everyone agrees that it is a Constable."
- "Look. Now they are dating the Constable 1826."
- "If I am not mistaken, he had a row with his wife the summer of 1826."
Best display of family lineage:
- Sliver framed photographs of an elegant family summering in Newport. R.I., in 1922 tastefully displayed on top of the grand piano.
- Framed charcoal portraits of Merovian Kings Chilperic II (715-720) and Theuderic IV (721-737), both inscribed "With love from Grandpa," (in Medieval French) hanging over the fireplace.
- A Plexiglas étagère holding skulls of Australopithecus afarensis ancestors dating from 3.3 million years BCE.
Most upwardly mobile names, drawn from the French Revolution, for two cats:
- Mirabeau and Lafayette
- Danton and Desmoulins
- Marat and St. Just
Best complaint about the help:
- My Butler is having a devil of a time finding domestics who are competent at polishing the silver.
- I don't know how I will get through November with my saddle maker on vacation.
- I've got to learn Spanish so I can communicate better with my grounds crew, my upstairs help, and my maintenance staff.
Best complaint about fishing:
- I may skip the Alta River in Norway this season. It has become overrun with people claiming to be European royalty.
- The mosquitoes on the Ponoi in Kamchatka last spring were brutal.
- I thought the food at the Kau-Tapen Lodge in Tierra del Fuego was overrated.
Flip Side will also select the winner of its Flopper-roo Award for the most status-depleting statement of the year. This year's nominees are:
- We're upper class.
- We're more than comfortable. We're rich.
- I sometimes enjoy Flip Side.